chapter six. much of the experience i have created for you, as a reader, and within your setting as an audience is vividly realistic of who i actually am. if anything, i am more animated in person than i appear in photos or some of the more serious content i’ve created in this space. all the social media, it’s just a vehicle- any platform you come in contact with; it’s up to you to define the ways you are seen, and to use those spaces responsibly. on both micro and macro levels, i think of everything. understanding that image is so important. and to remain genuine and organic, i have learned to master a way that represents myself accurately- to become my full, self actualized self.
understanding within that framework, that i can be whoever i want to be so long as it inspires, connects and supports growth, love and hope for what changes are needed for the world around me. sharing inspiration, finding a voice, helping others find their own. this whole site started as a learning space. we both studied fashion together, after the music industry was punctured by the internet. my passion has always been, first, music. and in this space, the fashion direction caught the most heat- so i went with it. i think there is a large misconception to some of the things that i do, in the digital space. i think some people might write off what I’m doing as trivial, or possibly they won’t see the connection, on a macro level, with things that are happening in media at a potentially micro level.
the truth of the matter is- its all connected. and while i take great pride in fostering, discovering and highlighting those connections and bridging that gap, i questioned my sense of connectivity since my arrival here to new york city. it’s been quite a challenge trying to break free from the structure that i have known. faced with challenges of opposing views, i’m not naive or easily impressionable. i have very strong ideas that have been proven within my own experience – proven through reactions of others, proven through devastation, through loss and gain. life is really about conflict, and how you rise to the occasion, venturing onto the next level just to arrive at the gateway of a new set of challenges; which utilizes what you learned in the previous phase.
and so, in an effort to return to more classical ideas; there has been an revisiting of old inspiration and ways that have been more triggered with a sense of purity. childhood activities now steeped in adult fascination and psychological grips. to return to ideas of sound, or style and to revisit in an effort of self examination. while much of my life has changed drastically, there are still many moments that have gone undocumented. conscious as that may be, i am looking for ways to share the stories. to again, build that bridge and connect myself to you. in being terminated from the agency where i worked to develop and cultivate talent, i have had time to recalibrate.
thinking of my past life; thinking of what i felt connected to, happy about and pleased with before i started making all of these changes. while i came away from the whole agency experience unscathed. i’ve always been able to adapt, make changes and push myself forward. i’ve taken meetings with one model management, wilhelmina, the society and yes, IMG. but the idea of going back into a field where the girls aren’t always as respected or nurtured in the ways i would have personally done it myself; i had to stop myself. getting back to me, who i am and what has made me- as intelligent, capable and tenacious as i am- the last laugh has not been had. battles lost, war not won.
this next phase will see more concentration on inspiration, documenting experiences and reporting on micro elements of media that affect the macro, bigger picture that affects us all. to return to a strength, not forgotten, but possibly covered by other ideas that weren’t my own. i am still here. i won’t allow my sense of leadership, my ability to conquer any task or provide informed decisions in pursuits of business to knock my stride or catch my rhythm and affect my pathway. all things possible in the eyes of god, and through his greater will for me to succeed. a personal marination process will now exist here. enriched through music, inspired by image and carefully translated through culture and viewpoint. i’m not done yet.